Gratitude for mothers comes in many forms, like oil paint

I watched the movie, Annie, again after what must have been decades.  My mother always wanted me to be like Annie; it was the curly hair.  I have proof in the way of a horrendous perm she gave me in 1988.  My hair is still recovering from the trauma. Hair PTSD notwithstanding, I forgave her a long time ago for wanting me to be someone else, like a little girl with curls or a successful veterinarian like Lara, the granddaughter of one of her bowling friends who she spoke about at length.  Whatever the comparison, I knew she did it because she wanted the best for me. 

Two Mothers

I'm lucky enough to have had two mothers, the one who gave birth to me and the one who raised me.  There are women who aren't capable of being mothers.  It's an issue of timing.  Some realize it before it's too late as I imagine my biological mother did.  Others carry on pretending to mother only to eventually leave their children broken after walking out on them.  They leave them emotionally or they leave them physically, it makes no difference in the end.I am indebted to my biological mother knew the difference and gave me over to someone else.  On Mother's Day, I am grateful to both my mothers. 

Contract or Expand

When someone you love dies, you expand or contract.  When my mother died five years ago, I did both.  The expansion came as a new perspective, the realization of how petty most of life's concerns were.  Who cares what brand of clothing you wear?  What difference does it make if it rains or snows?   The flipside came when I realized the gig was up: my mother was gone and I had never become her coveted veterinarian.  Like a black hole, I collapsed in on myself.When you can't muster the strength to do anything else, you do what comes naturally to you.  So, I painted. And painted and painted and painted.If my mother had never died, I never would have found success as an artist.

Good can come from grief. 

The only time we ever know what’s really going on is when the rug’s been pulled out and we can’t find anywhere to land. We use these situations either to wake ourselves up or to put ourselves to sleep. Right now — in the very instant of groundlessness — is the seed of taking care of those who need our care and of discovering our goodness.” — Pema Chödrön

Gratefulness in 3 Steps

My mother will never see my success as a talented non-veterinarian artist.  No sense lingering on this fact.  (I do paint animals. That counts, right, Mom?)  Instead, it's helpful to be grateful for what's happening now and to ride that wave. In honour of Mother's Day, here is a gratitude practice to give thanks to the lives our mothers gave us: 

Stop, Look, Go Gratitude Practice 

• Stop means exactly that: stop what you're doing. Pause.

• Look asks you to open your ears, nose, and eyes to become aware of the moment in front of you.

• Go is about running with whatever the present moment gives to you.

 (Thank you to On Being and Br. David Steindl-Rast, Founder of A Network for Grateful Living., for the practice.  To watch Br. David's Ted Talk, go here.)   

We can show respect to our mothers by being grateful for the lives they gave us.  What better gift could we give them?

Thank you to my Mothers,

x KM