Toxic Positivity

Leave it behind as we say goodbye to 2020.

I’ve been thinking about toxic positivity lately.

During a year like 2020, it feels right to say, “My life isn’t bad because other people are going through something much worse.” Diminishing our pain and pretending we’re ok doesn’t help anyone, especially ourselves.

Paradoxically, gratitude for what we have is a must if we’re going to get through the next year without drinking ourselves stupid.

So where can we choose to land? Squarely in the middle. We can decide to never diminish our suffering and at the same time appreciate what we have. Both mean acceptance of what is; neither means complacency or a lack of desire for change. It’s surprising how easily we undermine what we’re going through. Toxic positivity has become instinctive, habitual, and, I’d say, unconscious. When sharing our struggles, we start sentences with “I know people are going through worse. I’m going through XYZ.” Let’s drop the first part and keep the second.

Your parent has had a health scare; that’s not ok.

Your husband died suddenly; that’s not ok.

You had to say goodbye to your beloved pet; that’s not ok.

Your 12-year relationship ended; that’s not ok.

You’re being undermined and bullied at work; that’s not ok.

Whatever we’re going through, it’s not our fault, but it is our responsibility.

We get to choose how to react to it. We get to decide how honest to be about it. Only then do we have a hope in hell of changing it.

As the year comes to an end, I vote we leave fake positivity behind in 2020. Who’s with me?

Happy NY, x KM. 🥂

Thank you to Dr. Susan David and her research for inspiring this post. #HappyNewYear

📸: Rory Tucker